another memory.

Last day, last time being in this other world, last breath of Indian air, last time to hug my friends in their new land.
I wasn't thinking straight, I couldn't tell where my heart was, it was beating way too fast for me to follow. It was telling me something, I couldn't hear.
Confused thoughts. Why do I feel so torn about going home, to my home.


Tears, hugs, goodbyes were said.
 I walked through another airport, with my life in 3 bags. All I had come accustomed to, all I had called my home, all I was familiar with and was living with would be left behind as I fly over the world once more.


I sat down, people talked to me, every word I spoke was jerking tears. They asked what I was doing here, and if I liked it. I managed to whisper 'I love your country'. They smiled and welcomed me into their hearts. I wrote and wrote and wrote as I waited, about missing and confusion and having two homes.
After an hour or two I was once again on a plane.


I bawled my eyes out in the middle of the aisle, in the middle of complete strangers, in the middle of the sky. I didn't want to leave, it was as simple as that.
My feet had claimed this land as my own, walked it with proudness and wonder and love. My eyes woke every morning to new beauty and unseen things. I loved how it functioned, I loved how it was different.


A best friend and family that I had left behind, wishing I could go back, bringing my family with me. I missed my sisters, brothers, parents and nana. All I had lived with had suddenly just become them. I need them so much, but my heart was pounding for a different land. I couldn't understand why or how, but I knew it was.


Sometimes we don't realise what it is our hearts, our souls, our very selves long for until its right there in front of us. Until we experience it ourselves. Or even until we no longer are there.

Landing in New Zealand feeling all confused and emotionally mixed up. I embraced my family with love. I had missed them more than anything. But somehow, somewhere along the lines of my travel my heart got left behind.

I will find it again, when we reunite on familiar soil.
My heart is not far from me.