Overwhelmed.

So it was indeed my birthday on Friday which I didn't want a huge thing but just went ice-skating with friends and that was SO cool! I love just hanging out will friends, especially if they can all be there and just enjoy themselves.
Was an eventful night. Didn't fall over once, realised a dress was probably inappropriate for skating on ice, a friend got arrested for jaywalking (bahahahahahahhaha) drove up to wellsford and arrived at 1am.
Stayed at my cousins house up north which I had so much fun even if it was just for one day was great to see them and be like at home(ish).

Then. Church. Hmmm. How to start.

At church sunday night there was this lady speaking and I was feeling sick (I have tonsillitis ;[ bleh) and couldn't be bothered being 'holy' and 'churchy' and yeah point made. But eventually I got hit and could NOT stop laughing, which was riduckyoulus. Then she prayed for musicians of the church, went up and my fingers went totally nuts, like felt like it was pins and needles, electriciy and something trying to push its way out of my fingers all at the same time. Fell over. Got picked up. Fell over again.
Was totally out of it. I could hear people around me, but I was in my own world.

I saw a piano, a waterfall and a wall of different colours, also paths and tracks and different people.
Then Jesus said to me 'I will take you to the nations, and you will play with me not for me' totally bawled my eyes out (into the mic aswell...shame). Then was out of it again, I remember someone saying it was 10ish'o'clock and then next thing I know someone says it was quarter to 12! crazy right. I could still hear everything around me but it did not feel like it was 2hours.
My whole body was numb and I was just in peace and love. Walking with God.

Most amazing thing of my life. Ever!

?

So what I think went wrong was that I had changed my URL name for my blog, so I think it didn't direct people to my new one. So it looked like I had deleted.
So i changed it back. haha. so much for change.

So i hope this is working?

Things that make the heart smile.

Today I saw my very special friend, who has a special place in my heart.
I saw her beautiful ring, and we saw beautiful dresses.
We had tea, and scrambled eggs, we got lost and prayed for sun.
I saved her from getting hit by a car.
Jumped on a bus without knowing where it went,
we sat down for more tea and carrot cake.
Talked of all things that made my heart smile.
She is beautiful in everyway and I am happy to be her friend.
A friendship where in silence you smile at memories,
laugh at random things, or inside jokes,
smile and enjoy each others weird tastes, likes and dreams.
We think alike, we talk alike, we like alike. We SHOULD be sisters.
We like many a same thing, shops, clothes, houses, ideas.
You will live with me, I will live with you, all will be ok.
Today was a day filled with perfection and greatness.   

Today was a good day. I am happy because of it.
Zoe you are too beautiful. I love you.        

What? Why? How?

What the hell?
Why isn't my blog working?
How is this possible?
 

Little boy.

today a little baby boy reached out to me, clung onto me with every bit of muscle he could forge, hugged me and fell asleep on me.
this little boy needed a whole heck of love, i could tell just by looking at him, and why he was there.
he made me realise what my dream is, what i love to do, what i would love to do.
he clung to me so hard he was squeezing tears out of me, and love out of me.
i love this little boy with every part of me, and i have only just meet his little 1-2/year old self.

blur

Days are going too quickly, merging into each other too fast, becoming nothing but blurs in my memories of yesterday.

Leaving nothing of yesterday to dwell on today or to remember for tomorrow.

I see change all around me, in every ones own worlds.

I feel it in my own world, my own dreams my own hope.

This blur of my life is going to become clear, once I figure out how to put it into focus.

Faraway.

my heart has left me, left me for a faraway place that crawls into my dreams at night
into my thoughts through the day, into every word I speak
every recalled memory,
my heart is calling me, pulling me with every turn it takes
tugging gently, whispering words of hope and love
whispers turning into shouts of frustration
hurry here, to this faraway place

sleep here, on this ground that has never been slept on
dream here, in this star filled sky, in front of this moon that screams beauty and imagination

i opened my eyes to this unseen beauty, that only you had seen before
i spoke this beauty to every person i meet when my heart caught up and landed home
everyone looked away, i was acknowledged and ignored all at once
don't you see beauty is not just materialistic
there is beauty in a smile of a hungry child
there is beauty in the eyes of women who can't walk
in men that can't see
its called hope
they are alive and hoping for someone to see their beauty and to love on them

my heart has left me for this faraway place that calls me
it makes my heart pound furiously with every thought, every recalled memory of this place I called home
tears fill my eyes everytime i think of every other world that is undiscovered to my narrow eyes
unfilled ears,
undiscovered worlds calling me to stand on them to soak them in to hope in them aswell

faraway my heart ran, before to long i may not be able to catch up and will end up eating the dust
come home, your feet are standing still why aren't you moving?
come home, your eyes are wandering, look to the light not the world
come home, your ears are being filled with words not worthy of being spoken
come home, your heart is running away, come home

i will reach this faraway place, where ever my heart leads me i will go.

Recalled memories.

So I have gone through my diaries of when I was in India, sat for ages dwelling on memories. I would like to share with you all my first memory.

I hopped off the plane anxious, lost and not sure where I was being led or how on earth I crossed the world amidst hundreds of people all around me yet by myself at the same time. I didn't understand what part of me had thrown me this far out of my comfort zone...for fun? What was I thinking. I didn't understand what was being said around me or even to me, my first longing to go home where everything I see is familiar and understandable. They spoke in English, but i was confused. This wasn't my language covered with my accent. Unsure I asked pardon me more than a hundred times, when I finally understood this poor man getting frustrated with my white foreigner new zealandified self I heard him say "What is the purpose of your visit"? I froze, what am i doing here? why did I come? I managed to whisper out with a shaking voice 'Im here to stay with friends'. I then laughed to myself as I realized, thats what he said! Felt ashamed I couldn't even understand that! haha.
I think about that question now.. profound much? What was my purpose there? Why did I travel for 16 hours by myself, leave everything I was comfortable with to come live in a country I knew hardly anything about to live for 84 whole days!
I'll get back to you on this.
Then following a lady in red who knew where I was going before I had even landed led me to collect my bag. It was huge and I am not. I thought to myself as I re adjusted my two bags I was already carrying, how on eath am I going to do this? I spotted my green burden of 25kgs of stuff that I 'needed' to live with. I could live with this amount of stuff, everything I had at home immediately became useless and just stuff. Tied to my bag were two giant orange strings...so it didn't get mixed up.
I picked it up(with a struggle) and pretty much pushed heaps of people out of the way with my nonesene and carry on. Adjusted bags. Ready.
I immediatly got asked if I needed help with my bags, I remember feeling almost insulted.. thinking 'do you not think I can carry all this stuff?' realised this was my stubborn independant little self afraid to be seen as weak. I accepted help and my 25kg burden left. I was tired and grump and was glad someone would drag my 'stuff' around for me. I already had myself to function and 2 bags.

Now the excitement hit me. Look for blonde hair and blue eyes were the only thoughts running through my head. This won't be hard. It's India right. Through glass doors I see bright smiles and giggles and squeals. All that was between me and this new world, my friends since I was in nappies were glass doors. That's it! Just those doors.
I was as happy as you could ever imagine. I was with my purpose of friends, in this purpose of mine's land. This was it.
Hugs were not short not one smile spared. Another set of doors down, my feet touched new soil, breathed unfamiliar air. This is my purpose to do this. My whole life changed from this moment on forever.

:)

I want to destroy these roots of injustice, kill this seed of poverty. To where all we see is hope, all we have is faith and all we need is love.