Vanuatu

Well. This is probably going to be a long blog.
I don't even know where to begin.
You know you are not meant to be where you are in the long run when your heart is elsewhere, when you land and want nothing more than to turn around, when you don't even want to walk through the gate into 'New Zealand' when your own home, everything around you, everything you see and do makes you feel so empty like your missing your whole heart and soul in a different place.

The country of Vanuatu is like amazing and in a way to me it was heaven like, everyone would of felt different things but this is what I felt. First off there was like no time, time didn't matter - there is no time in heaven right. Then I literally felt NO fear of man, I mean that is crazy, where we live if we were to go out and pray for people the majority of us (or maybe its just me) would be doubting and scared and wondering what people may think of you...there its like there isn't a single trace of it.
The love of this country made me realise that we live in a very stingy culture, we live surrounded by walls of our comforts and 'friends', not really letting anyone in that doesn't like something we do or doesn't share an interest or so on.
First day there me and Rose walked around the village and walked into peoples houses and they just loved us straight away there was no fear no doubt just trust and love. The children came and played everyday with us, some of the parents were saying that the only reason their kids haven't been to school is because their friends are at the base.
Trust. One lady we met who I love to pieces was telling us half the time she doesn't even know where her kids are, like she knows they're in the village, but everyone is so trusting of everyone that they just let their kids roam around and play and just be themselves. Here you wouldn't take you eyes off you kid like that. We need that trust, instant trust.
This is kind of a jumbled up blog don't really know where I'm going with this.

There was a family that lived right next door to the base we were at, we would go see them everyday and just sit down and hang out with them and talk and talk and hug their children I really miss them heaps made me feel at home.
The staff at the base were so cool, like so cool, made the coolest friends ever! They have been telling me that its so quiet with us (most of us stayed up late as everynight) and missing us...which just makes me miss them more. But they were seriously cool guys and girls.
The children. Oh my goodness the children. They were everywhere. Haha, they were the most precious things every, so bold and confident and happy and loving and accepting. So many of them like grabbed my heart and ran away with it. They would come over everyday to see us and play cards or hand games or soccer etc and just hang out with us. They were beautiful and I bawled my eyes out when we drove past and they were all waving at us, I don't think they fully understood that we weren't coming back. Broke my heart.

We helped out at a few preschools, just helping the children with their work, or cleaning up around the place to make it look spic and span ready for teaching. We prayer walked and met some amazing people that I will continue to pray for. We went to a hospital to the children's area to pray for all of them there, these people are so accepting to just let strangers walk into a hospital and pray for their patients. We went to church - Vanuatuan style which was amazing, prayed for the children there. We went to a prison church service, couldn't tell the inmates and the 'other' people apart, now that's saying something right? We had bonding time within our own youth. We smiled, we laughed, we shouted, we got angry, we cried.

There is so much more I want to say but I can't get it out.
Love is the main thing that stood out for me, and it wasn't till I got back that Im actually realising we lack the right kind of love and trust and faith in God. These people have near to nothing yet they are happy and praising God. I have everything I need and more and I struggle to find time to thank God. They love love love everyone, and it makes me sad to realise I don't even know my neighbours names, I don't know half the people in church in what is meant to be 'family' I know their names but I don't know them. It brings me to tears that we keep so much in our own worlds that we don't see that we were made together in the same world to live together in unity to actually be with each other and love each other to worship the same God. We take forever to trust, we wouldn't just click with someone, we would get to know them and even then we may not fully trust the person. These people trusted us to take their children for walks to let them play with us in the very first week we met them. They trusted us instantly.
We went to this missions trip to bless people, to take what we have what we have learnt over the past thousand conferences to take it to them to take it to people who don't have 'this'. I think I can speak for us all when I say, we got a heckload more blessed than we blessed people. Just by loving us and showing their passion for God and also by making us family blessed me. How they live how they love how they trust.

Oh crap here come the tears.
Now don't get me wrong about NZ, I love my country to pieces its apart of me, its history and ancestors run through my blood. Im the most proud Kiwi you will probably ever meet. But when your heart isn't there, it isn't there and there is nothing you can do about it.

Vanuatu has something we all need, not the other way around. Just because we have a 'proper' church service or we have the 'kingdom' or we have what they need doesn't make us better. They have what we need and I know it. They have a key and we brought it back, its up to people whether they want to accept it or not.

another thing that really really really inspired me was everyones knowledge of the word, they were just like walking bibles literally that made me want to learn my bible inside out, to have such a knowledge that God's word would literally just sit in me.

Ah gosh. I will write more soon, so tired. So teary. So not enjoying this.

Travel.

So all packed, three bags...hope that's enough :P Managed to fit everything that is most important in there (majority of it being clothes).

This is the day. We will be leaving in like 20 minutes I think..yes and I am on the computer. Casual as.
I guess I've been so sick of serving moody travellers I've forgot all about me going and my own excitement, but now I can say I'm happy.

Happy to be jumping on a plane, happy to be flying, happy to be going to a whole new world, happy to go with friends. Happy Happy.

Im so looking forward to just fully throwing myself in another culture. Also Im looking forward to living off coconuts and fruit...highlight!
Plus its going to be like 25degrees!!! Wooh! It's getting freezing here (im taking that because its winter) but this winter hasn't even been THAT cold, it hasn't been a real get straight into thunder storms, rain for days normal NZ winter, I slept through the one and only thunder storm I 'heard' was going on, so I guess winter hasn't hit as hard this time.

But ohwell, warm weather here we come.
I'm leaving internet and phone connections here (oh gosh) will see how I cope haha!

Update when I get back.

‎'Look at the nations and watch and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told' Habakkuk 1vs5

another memory.

Last day, last time being in this other world, last breath of Indian air, last time to hug my friends in their new land.
I wasn't thinking straight, I couldn't tell where my heart was, it was beating way too fast for me to follow. It was telling me something, I couldn't hear.
Confused thoughts. Why do I feel so torn about going home, to my home.


Tears, hugs, goodbyes were said.
 I walked through another airport, with my life in 3 bags. All I had come accustomed to, all I had called my home, all I was familiar with and was living with would be left behind as I fly over the world once more.


I sat down, people talked to me, every word I spoke was jerking tears. They asked what I was doing here, and if I liked it. I managed to whisper 'I love your country'. They smiled and welcomed me into their hearts. I wrote and wrote and wrote as I waited, about missing and confusion and having two homes.
After an hour or two I was once again on a plane.


I bawled my eyes out in the middle of the aisle, in the middle of complete strangers, in the middle of the sky. I didn't want to leave, it was as simple as that.
My feet had claimed this land as my own, walked it with proudness and wonder and love. My eyes woke every morning to new beauty and unseen things. I loved how it functioned, I loved how it was different.


A best friend and family that I had left behind, wishing I could go back, bringing my family with me. I missed my sisters, brothers, parents and nana. All I had lived with had suddenly just become them. I need them so much, but my heart was pounding for a different land. I couldn't understand why or how, but I knew it was.


Sometimes we don't realise what it is our hearts, our souls, our very selves long for until its right there in front of us. Until we experience it ourselves. Or even until we no longer are there.

Landing in New Zealand feeling all confused and emotionally mixed up. I embraced my family with love. I had missed them more than anything. But somehow, somewhere along the lines of my travel my heart got left behind.

I will find it again, when we reunite on familiar soil.
My heart is not far from me.

Goodbye...yet again.

I hate goodbyes with a passion. They are pathetic, and tear jerking and stupid.
End of story.